& my little red apron

How do I even begin to detail the stupidity of the men which seem to gravitate towards me? Well, lets start with last night...

So I went out with a guy from work (I know, I should have listened to my own advice: DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH DUDES FROM WORK) a couple of weeks ago and we hit it off great.
With his real name in mind, we will call him Lizzie Bennett on here.

Lizzie Bennett is sweet, and opens the car door for me, and does all the things a gentleman would do for a lady of class. I was impressed. He makes me laugh and smile with his flirty ways. One evening, while sipping on my favorite wine he bought just for me, we are discussing how I wish I had a Wegmans Shoppers card but always forget- he gives me his extra shoppers card in a playful-marry me, joke kind of way...

Needless to say by the second week I was crushing on him and we did the deed. I wouldn't say it was the best sex of my life, far from, BUT it has potential...potential I wanted to take the time to craft into THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE.

Of course, after having done all of this, guy gets lazy...makes plans and never follows through and doesn't even call to tell me he isn't coming. Yesterday was no exception. After a week of flaking I thought tomorrow would be different... I call around 5pm, no answer. I go home, I nap, I wake up around 8pm. No missed call, no anything. 8:30pm I get a text: " Hey there. Whats going on?" What the fuck do you think dude- I'm waiting for you to tell me when you want to hang out, Derp.

I know, I know. We aren't in a relationship and I don't want one yet, but when a dude says everyday he misses you and makes plans and then never calls... you feel a bit played.

So here is the dialogue after the initial text:

PS: I now wear a red apron where we work and we briefly talked about it before he left work yesterday.

Lizzie Bennett: I bet you look cute in your aprion
Darcy: What?
Darcy: Ok, are you talking to me because that's random...
Lizzie: Im sorry i didnt call you sooner
Darcy: Ok.
Darcy: And I'm not wearing an apron*
Lizzie: I wanted to see it on you hint hint
Darcy: Do you mean my red apron?
Lizzie: Yes
Darcy: Hah.. Ok
Lizzie: Something with black too? =)
Darcy: Haha, are you drunk?
Lizzie: LOL no

There are TWO concerns running through my head.

1) You don't return my call but text me those lines of bs- I AM NOT SEXTING YOU
2) There was a girl at work who said this same guy suggested for her birthday she go to VickiSecret and get something black. I wasn't sure what to think because he claims the conversation never happened. I decided to give him a chance and the chick seemed cool about me hanging out with him and thus I thought, well yea- maybe it was some misunderstanding.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME! ALL THE CLUES ARE PUT TOGETHER AND I STILL THINK- hey, maybe he is just misunderstood- like a puppy who ruins your favorite 100$ Gucci pumps and then shits on your toothbrush. So cute, but so obvious that he wants to use your shit, detroy your belongings, and then after all that- expects a belly rub.

Meanwhile...

As I am driving to the local Applebees to drown my pain with Mudslides, my phone rings. Lizzie? IS THATCHU DERE? ****Always look at caller ID before answering***

Hello?
Alejandro is on the line.

Conversation: What are you doing? APPLEBEES Why are you going there? TO FILL THE VOID WHICH WAS MY LOVE LIFE WITH BAD DRANKS Why would you do that, you sound crazy. BECAUSE I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT ( Alejandro, you are not my Dad. KAYTHXBAI)


BREAKING NEWS: So Lizzie Bennett calls me as I write this blog. My friends car apparently has had an injury and she told Lizzie she was drunk and side swipped a tree last night. (False.) He immediatly becomes concerned because he's worried I'm hurt. LOL He also has called to tell me he needs a computer desk and he wants me to go help him shop for one. He wants me to help him decorate his apartment. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU MALE GENDER. WHY WOULD YOU WANT ME TO DO THAT???? AHSIDJEWIHJFIOERGFVIERHJOGROEJFWOCJEKWPOQRFFFFERJVIPOGEJEROJGVIOTRJIOVRGVRJEOVJIOEJJJERV



The joke is girls are crazy, right?


- Holly Golightly