The Alejandro Files

I am a drug to boys, plain and simple. I produce a high which leaves them in varied states of pure ecstasy. Unfortunately, when they eventually quit me, withdrawal produces symptoms close to an untreated bi-polar disorder. I, according to my ex, induce fits of rage, unexplained jealousy/repressed mommy issues, and downright poor writing skills (which isn't good if you're going to GRAD school with a CW major...).

*Pay close attention to the time period when these messages were sent.

-Tiffany

. . . . .

The "new little friends" make their voices heard:

How to Ensure a Speedy Reply on a Dating Website

Step 1: Make light of the experience of rape victims.
Step 2: Link to a funny* picture with a name like "radioactive pedophile on the loose" that someone surely would not want to click on.
Step 3: Mention your affinity for anime.
Step 4: Something about squirrels... wtf. No, I'm done trying to make sense of this.
Step 5: Welcome criticism.
Step 6: ???
Step 7: Profit.

Although this stud invited me to "give [him] [my] best shot," I wasn't sure of where to begin, so he remains waiting by his empty inbox, perhaps trying out his stealthy game plan with other unsuspecting dateables.

-Jo



*Make sure it isn't actually funny, though.

The Jonathan Files Begin

I met my latest FWB on the internet, like so many respectable people often do. His name is Jonathan, and his profile picture of him cuddling with an overweight cat made him immediately endearing to me, while his extensive knowledge of Ayn Rand's works gave me immediate concern that I might have been becoming involved with a libertarian.

After the prerequisite conversations, I decided to go to his apartment for a visit one lonely Thursday evening, with Tiffany on speed-text in case Jonathan was not just a libertarian, but also a murderer (but really, the similarities between the two can be striking).

After a brief tour of an oddly clean apartment (complete with a suspicious desktop background of Neil Patrick Harris [?]) things got heated, and we had fabulous I-don't-yet-know-your-last-name sex.

Here's where the Jonathan files really start, because it was in our post-coital bliss that Jonathan decided to start a conversation about politics and social issues, beginning with the description of a male-to-female transsexual as "he/she/it." On women's issues, Jonathan adamantly insisted that men face considerably more oppression than women; when discussing white privilege he spoke of the crippling effects of affirmative action on the disenfranchised white male demographic.

Needless to say, I promptly declared my blow-job "rescinded," and left early the next morning before he woke up. However, the Jonathan files continued due to my love of sex with stupid people...

-Jo

Johnny Muscles

Johnny Muscles intrigued me, because of his user name and appropriate usage of "Machiavellian." Wanting to know more, I innocently took a look at his profile, only to find the typical sexist diatribe of "women only go for assholes, so it's their fault when they get hurt, they are so stupid, etc."

When confronted with a direct quote of his sexist assholery, Johnny Muscles then claimed that I had passed his crafty "test," so congrats for me!

Johnny Muscles: single-handedly breaking down gender norms on the internet.

-Jo